Do that again and I'll......
Your mother loved to volunteer. Baking, sewing, knitting, firefighting. You name it, she did it. But she did too much. Which is why you were stuck with the duty of baking cookies for a children's hospital. You wouldn't have minded if it was just you baking. Unfortunately, your accidental friend Gilbert had decided that he wanted to help you.
"Go away Gilbert." You snapped at him, stirring the batter. He smirked, his silvery white hair glinting in the mid-day sunlight. Leaning over you shoulder, he dipped his fingers in the batter, scooping some into his mouth.
You elbowed him and glared. He fake gasped, pretending to clutch his heart in dismay.
"Come on Frau!! Cooking is supposed to be fun!"
He continued whining, wrapping his arms about your waist and resting his chin against your shoulder. You ignored him, well, ignored him as best as you could. The guy needed to have an off switch for his voice. Either that or have a dog collar.
"Alright Gilbert!! You can help!" You sighed angrily, placing glops of dough on the cookie sheet. He grinned, grabbed a spoon and started to placing dough on the tray. You tuned out his rambling and focused on your work. If you were lucky, you could finish all of these today.
"Oi!! ______ look vat I made!!"
Gilbert sounded like a little boy who had just done something most people would consider disgusting.
Not a good sign.
You turned and glared. He was smirking like a very fat cat who has just eaten a tasty bird.
"I made my Awesome five meters."
It took you a moment to realize what he meant. During that moment, your eyes narrowed and mouth hung open slightly. And then it clicked.
"EXCUSE ME?!" You snapped, trying to avoid looking below his belt. He smirked, letting out his unique laughter. And then he pointed at the cookie tray he had been placing dough on.
You looked and felt the immense urge to kill Gilbert.
Because he had made his "Awesome five meters." out of cookie dough. You stared for a moment, then grabbed the nearest sharp object (Which happened to be a steak knife.) and hacked it to pieces. Gilbert let out a squawked that turned into a whimper when you swung the knife his way.
"These are cookies for children at a hospital. NOT your weirdo friends."
He nodded quickly to show that he understood, hands raised slightly, as if you had a gun pointed at him instead of a knife. But then again, the tip of the knife was pointed at his crotch so...
"I want to finish these cookies as quickly as possible. Do that again and I'll castrate you with this knife."
He nodded again, his already pale face turning a deathly shade of white. You harrumphed, setting the knife down and returning to the dough. Gilbert did as well, staying silent the entire time.
The cookies were all done. You flopped onto the couch, letting out a small groan of exhaustion. Gilbert followed slowly, nibbling on one of the extra cookies. He placed the tray of other cookies on the coffee table. He sat next to you, glancing warily as if he expected you to attack at any moment.
You glanced at him, eyebrows raised. Had Gilbert just apologized? The words "I'm sorry." had probably last left his lips when he was a toddler.
"It's fine." You decided to cut him some slack, what he had done wasn't really that bad after all. He nodded, leaning forward and resting his head against your shoulder. You nuzzled your head against his and sighed.
For once he wan't making sexual comments or teasing you about some stupid thing you had done. It was nice.
Of course it didn't last.
You let out a yelp as Gilbert nipped your collar bone. He let out a high pitch girly shriek when your fist connected with his crotch.
"VAT VAS ZAT FOR?!!" He whimpered, curling into a ball. You felt how hot your cheeks were and scowled.
"That was for being a pervert."
"It vas a little friendly kiss!"
"YOU BIT ME!"
Silence. You glared down at him as he made half hearted excuses and mumbled under his breath in German.
"Ich liebe dich."
"I love you too idiot."
You huffed, arms crossed over your chest, cheeks bright red. Gilbert smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. You let him, even though your cheeks felt as red as stop signs.
Gilbert smiled, his crimson eyes shining. You frowned up at him, sure he was up to something.
"Guess vat _____?"
"I fixed the awesome five meters."
He pointed to the try of extra cookies he had brought in. You glanced and felt your temper flare up. He had made not one, but at least ten cookies like that.
You grabbed the nearest lamp, yanked the cord out of the wall and slowly advanced towards him. Gilbert swallowed and attempted a grin.
"Zere ze extra cookies, right? For us. No need to overreact!"
You took another step forward and swung. Gilbert bolted.
"YOU'RE CRAZY _____!!!!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"